He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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