So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
