Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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