we have officially lost it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
