My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
