you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
