it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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