Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
