Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
