so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
