I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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