She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
