Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do vagina's smell?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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