Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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