Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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