So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
