i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
