I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
