All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
