I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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