Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
