Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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