Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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