PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
