1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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