Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
well you can't waste a boner
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
