how can u be prego again
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
