just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
