Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
