we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
