It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
