Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
