She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
