I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
