Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
