Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
