I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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