I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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