I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
