My girlfriend figured out who you are.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We need to get me chipped asap
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
