dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
