Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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