just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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