Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
