I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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