remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
