Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
