jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
