This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she pinky promised me she was 18
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
