Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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